Bonus: Lasers & Feelings

Bonus Episode

Dec 23

Bonus One Shot!

In this very special bonus episode, the crew plays Lasers & Feelings, a one-page TTRPG developed by John Harper. Vibe with the group as they attempt to save the 'verse from alien brain worms in a hilarious, off-the-wall session.

Meet the Crew:

Jeff as Game Master
Brian as Quip Kwazaar
Stephanie as Neon Serenity
Doja as EW7
Scott as Zayda Stellar

# Lasers & Feelings
**System:** Lasers & Feelings by John Harper (free on itch.io)
**Recorded:** 06/12/25
**Released:** 12/23/25 (Patreon & RedCircle)
**Players:** Scott, Brian, Steph, Doja
## The Ship
**The Raptor** -- an interstellar consortium scout ship. Strengths: **cloaking device** and **superior sensors**. Problem: **grim reputation** (Captain Darcy did some bad stuff in the past). The crew compared it to a Section 31 ship. Captain Darcy is incapacitated in a medical pod after being overcome by a strange psychic entity known as "Something Else," leaving the crew to fend for themselves.
## Characters
| Character | Player | Style + Role | Number | Goal | Notes |
| :--------------------- | :----- | :---------------- | :----: | :----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | :---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Zeta Stellar | Scott | Hotshot Envoy | 2 | Become the most famous diplomat in the galaxy | Feelings-heavy. Self-appointed acting captain. Fresh off a huge negotiation between "the Glands and the Flans." Also serves as ship's HR. Modeled after a high-powered sales bro / Patrick Bateman. Blue uniform. |
| Kip Quasar | Brian | Sexy Doctor | 4 | Find a cure for Acute-osis plaguing the Kappa Quadrant | Lasers-leaning. Slender humanoid with long silver hair. Doesn't realize he's sexy; it just happens. The sexiness is effortless/pheromonal. Not interested in love. White uniform (catsuit). Spelled "QUIP Kwazaar." |
| Neon Serenity | Steph | Intrepid Explorer | 3 | Earn her Sailor Scout merit badge to reach Pretty Guardian rank in the Cosmic Scouts Association | Balanced. On her last mission to earn her Pluto badge. The CSA promotes love and justice throughout the galaxy. Created W as part of her Pluto badge requirements. Gold uniform. Anime-inspired voice (Ash Ketchum energy). |
| Echo Whiskey Seven (W) | Doja | Android Soldier | 5 | Keep being awesome (here I go killing again) | Full lasers. Red shirt (no bottoms, "Porky Pig-ing it"). Created by Neon as part of her badge work. Has a dot matrix 3D printer in his back, a broadcasting device in his chest, and a blender. Catches phrase: "No mating." Fan of Professor Trevor. |
*System: Roll d6. Under your number = Lasers (science, tech, cold rationality). Over your number = Feelings (diplomacy, seduction, wild action). Exactly your number = Laser Feelings (special insight, can ask a question and re-roll). Prepared = +1d6. Expert = +1d6. Helper = +1d6.*
## Adventure Summary
### The Setup
The Raptor is on a delivery run: a crate of **hypo pens** to **Blagart 6**, a planet that has recently gone dark. The hypo pens combat a chemical in the Blagartian atmosphere that inflames their breathing passages and, when they run out, makes the entire population "insanely horny" (the economy shuts down). The consortium asked the crew to deliver and investigate.
### Arriving at Blagart 6
- Hailed by a Blagartian on screen who told them to turn around. Zeta spotted a pink tendril snaking from his ear.
- Kip identified it as a potential brain worm. Ship AI scan confirmed 85% of the population infected.
- All infected Blagartians migrating to a single point on the planet surface.
- A shuttle appeared being chased by a fighter craft. The crew cloaked, and W blasted the fighter from the airlock with a giant laser gatling gun (hanging out by his ankles, Bender-style).
### Professor Trevor "The Big One" Blagartian
- Rescued from his shuttle. A Blagartian celebrity: ancient alienologist, soap opera star, TV personality. Five and a half feet tall, dark green seaweed/kelp skin, forehead ridges, yellow eyes, forked tongue.
- Kip's scan revealed he DID have a brain worm despite his denials.
- The brain worm revealed itself: **Slip Slap**, one month old, asexual, born on Blagart 6. Partner: **Dippy Do** (currently in a host named David).
- Slip Slap admitted to tricking them but offered a deal: help him get a new famous body (not Trevor's) and he'd show them how to stop the invasion.
### The Brain Worm Deal
- Zeta negotiated (rolled Laser Feelings multiple times). Learned the invasion wasn't a trap, that Slip Slap has a mate named Dippy Do, and leveraged the promise of fame.
- **Brain worm backstory:** They're from the distant future when Blagart 6 is controlled by brain worms in symbiosis with a different species. A plague hit, so they used the temporal anomaly in the ancient space ruins to send themselves back in time. But Blagartians aren't compatible for true symbiosis, so they're just mind-controlling them.
- **The plan:** Enter ancient space ruins, go through the temporal portal to the future, destroy the generator there, come back through, destroy this side's generator. Then sing a specific song that forces brain worms to evacuate hosts in a blind panic.
- Slip Slap refused to reveal the song until the generators were dealt with (paranoid they'd use it on him).
### The Ancient Space Ruins
- Landed half a click away on an arid landscape (green sky, oversized sun). Ruins: futuristic vertical pill-shaped buildings, 5-7 stories tall but mostly buried. Surrounded by blue energy pylons shooting lasers into the sky.
- The portal: a Stargate-like ring with a console. Guarded by three Blagartians with pulse rifles.
- **Infiltration:** Zeta walked in pretending to be a brain worm ("Slip Slap" is apparently like "David" for brain worms, a super common name). Passed the "alien brain worm test" (fill in the blank: what salty snack do you bring to a jacuzzi party?). Meanwhile W, Neon, and Kip snuck up and hypo'd all three guards. W: "No mating." Neon: "Go! No baiting!" Kip barely succeeded; the last guard almost shot him but was overcome by Kip's sexiness.
### Through the Portal
- Portal activated: a hovering orb of perfectly mowed grass (Crash Bandicoot orb style).
- Inside: a purple/black liminal space (the Upside Down) with Greek architecture, vaporwave aesthetics, and a winged eyeball that said "How do you do?" and deposited eye crud on Neon's shoulder.
- The angelic singing in the liminal space forced Slip Slap out of Trevor's ear (same frequency as the anti-brain-worm song). Kip collected Slip Slap in a specimen jar.
- **On the other side:** Same ruins but older. Inhabited by pig-like beast men with tusks. One scientist, one guard with a "limp noodle" weapon.
- Neon stabbed the scientist with a hypo (intrepid as always). It genetically mutated him into a **12-foot, two-headed, sterile wolf man**.
- W destroyed the future generator. Wolf man attacked. Kip twisted his ankle. Neon twisted her ankle.
- **The escape:** W dropped Trevor, grabbed Kip and Neon, shoved them through the portal as it collapsed. W lost his right leg. Trevor lost both legs (Kip dragged him through at the last second).
### Resolution
- Destroyed the present-side generator and console.
- Learned the song from the angelic chorus in the liminal space (Slip Slap never had to tell them).
- Wired W into the planetary exo-net and broadcast the song worldwide.
- All brain worms evacuated their hosts and were squashed by the liberated Blagartians.
- Planet saved: brain worms gone, horniness cured (hypo delivery completed), asthma treated.
- Blagart 6 threw a massive parade. Zeta looked into book deals and sponsorships. Neon earned her Sailor Scout merit badge. The crew blasted off to their next adventure.
- Captain Darcy was still in the med pod. Nobody helped him.
## NPCs
| Name | Status | Notes |
|:-----|:------:|:------|
| Captain Darcy | Incapacitated | In the med pod the entire time. Overcome by "Something Else." Nobody prioritized finding him a cure. |
| Professor Trevor "The Big One" Blagartian | Alive (legless) | Ancient alienologist and soap opera star on Blagart 6. Lost both legs going through the portal. Collects Neon Serenity's Cosmic Scouts cards (has three). Called Neon stupid through Slip Slap. |
| Slip Slap | Alive (jarred) | Brain worm. One month old. Asexual. Wants to be famous. Partner: Dippy Do. Was promised a new famous body and a Cosmic Scouts card. Currently in a specimen jar. |
| Dippy Do | Alive | Slip Slap's partner. Currently inhabiting a Blagartian named David. Was promised they get to keep their host body. |
## Lore
- **Blagart 6:** Consortium planet in a mountain valley. Population: Blagartians (green-skinned lizard-like humanoids with forehead ridges, yellow eyes, forked tongues). They require hypo pens to combat atmospheric allergens; without them, uncontrollable horniness and breathing difficulties.
- **Brain Worms ("Quote Unquote Alien Brain Worms"):** From the far future of Blagart 6. Normally symbiotic with a different species that replaced Blagartians. Sent themselves back through a temporal anomaly when a plague hit. Nocturnal. Vulnerable to a specific song frequency that causes involuntary evacuation from host. "Brain worm" is what they call themselves too; to each other they're just "brain worms."
- **Ancient Space Ruins:** Futuristic pill-shaped buildings buried in an arid landscape. Contain a temporal portal (grass orb), a liminal transit space with vaporwave aesthetics and angelic singing, and generators on both sides maintaining the anomaly. Blue energy pylons surround the site.
- **Cosmic Scouts Association:** Organization that promotes love and justice throughout the galaxy. Members earn merit badges for completing dangerous missions. Pretty Guardian is the top rank. Has collectible cards of scouts. Neon Serenity is a prospective Pretty Guardian working on her Pluto badge.
- **Loki Pawn:** A recurring in-joke; a fictional collectible card game/brand that appears across DSA one-shots (crossover from the main campaign).
## Notable Moments
- Zeta's opening line to Kip: "Why don't you walk your pretty little tush over to that console and just type away." Immediate HR complaint.
- Slip Slap's debut: "I got a brain worm. I am the brain worm. What do you want?"
- The Blagartian horniness subplot running through the entire adventure
- W hanging out of the airlock with a giant laser gatling gun, no pants, shooting down a fighter (Bender from Futurama)
- W's dot-matrix 3D printed Baby Bjorn with Loki Pawn branding to carry Professor Trevor
- The alien brain worm identity test: "When you go to an uninvited jacuzzi party, what snack do you bring?" (Answer: something salty)
- Neon stabbing a future pig-man scientist with a hypo, mutating him into a 12-foot sterile two-headed wolf man
- Every character's catchphrase becoming "No mating" / "Go! No baiting!"
- Jeff getting hiccups during the finale and the group accusing him of having a brain worm
- Kip's sexiness repeatedly saving him from harm (guard couldn't shoot because he was too stunned by Kip's beauty)
- The "David" running gag: all Blagartians are basically named David, which is why no one cared about Dippy Do keeping their host
## Table Notes
- First one-shot recorded (06/12/25); used as a bridge episode while Ep 13 was in Patreon early access
- Zero pre-planning; Jeff created the adventure from random rolls at the table
- Adventure prompt: "Alien brain worms want to pacify/occupy the ancient space ruins, which will fix everything"
- Twist rolled: not revealed
- Extremely collaborative/improv-heavy session. Jeff noted the long setup felt like they were already playing the whole time.
- Running gags from the main campaign bled in: Loki Pawn, character name debates, Steph's commitment-to-a-bit style (Cosmic Scouts Association, merit badges)
- The group acknowledged this was "the horniest episode" and blamed Jeff's lack of prep