The Truth About Haley: Robert’s Story

Mar 31

Robert finally tells the crew what he knows about Haleyy's past. Deep in the jungles of Ventos during the Red Rice Wars, a clone squadron led by a man with piercing blue eyes and an incredibly high opinion of himself was sent to extract a captured commander named Haley. One Y. What they found in those caves, and what happened after, changes everything the crew thought they knew about their friend.

Meet the Crew:

Jeff as Star Master (Game Master)
Brian as Captain Thorn
Stephanie as the warrior Haley
Doja as the wildcard pilot Robert
Scott as the transhuman hacker Felix

[00:00:00] Star Master Jeff: Welcome to the Dark Star Adventurecast, where the stars are cold, the void is endless, and dangers lurk in every shadow. Out here, trust is a gamble, and survival is never guaranteed. On tonight's Adventurecast...
[00:00:17] Thorne: I'm sorry, but I'm an asshole too. And then I stab him.
[00:00:22] Felix: Forensic analysis shows this is a post-mortem wound.
[00:00:26] Haleyy: We've been through a lot together, and this is the first time that I have smelled like ass instead of you.
[00:00:32] Robert: Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum.
[00:00:37] Star Master Jeff: So sit back and enjoy. This is the Dark Star Adventurecast. The crew is deep within an alien quarantine building, long since abandoned and covered by the sands of Sibylen, and recently discovered by Froggy's xeno-archaeologist friend, Vera. They are resting after a disturbing encounter with alien technology that has left Haley unconscious. Nearby, a large crawl tube is slowly filling up with nanofluid, its access hatch locked securely. Once it fills, it will unlock, and they can hopefully use it to escape the complex. Haley lies nearby, her head cushioned by Robert's jacket. Thorne checks her vitals as she mumbles incoherently.
[00:01:22] Thorne: She's stable, but whatever that thing did knocked her out cold. I have no clue what to do. Any ideas, Doc?
[00:01:30] Star Master Jeff: Well, I'm not exactly that kind of doctor. Smelling salts, maybe?
[00:01:35] Felix: And blast it all. We are never going to get anywhere like this. Feeling frustrated at the situation, I take out my data slab. I move over to the alien device with purpose. I will rip an answer from this damn thing if it's the last thing I do.
[00:01:48] Star Master Jeff: Froggy leaps back from you and tries to get as close to the wall as he can, pressing his back into it. And he says, Felix, I don't think that we should be touching that. Hey, now, Felix, hold on there a minute.
[00:02:02] Robert: I do know something about what's going on. I've seen this weirdness before. Black metal rods, crackling energy, the whole nine yards. Oh, I know it.
[00:02:11] Felix: Where? Robert, at back of the truck stop?
[00:02:14] Robert: With the cultists? No, no. Before that. A few years ago, I was with my squad in Ventos, the tail end of the Red Rice Wars. Damn, those were hot days. Hotter than Sibylen even. More humid, too. Give me a dry heat over a jungle any day. We could barely breathe. When we could, we choked on bugs. Endless swarms like an ocean of little black dots.
[00:02:47] Thorne: You saw alien tech on Ventos? What's that got to do with Haley?
[00:02:53] Robert: Well, I suppose for you to understand, I better tell you about Haley's sister. Haley with one Y.
[00:03:09] Star Master Jeff: Deep in the inhospitable jungles on planet Ventos, there exists a colony in turmoil. A rice shortage has left the people starving, with those lucky enough to come from wealth holding what food stores remain. The spark of rebellion has ignited into a full-blown war. A war the elite are losing. Black dots swarm under the drooping jungle canopy, consuming everything in sight, an invasive insect from off-world, and the reason for the food shortage. Enter a man, heavily cloaked in the regalia of the oligarchy, approaching a cave hidden amongst the brush. A sharply cut poncho is draped over broad shoulders, and one large, calloused hand grips a pistol concealed at his hip. A cloth protects his face from the swarm, but his blue eyes, flints of chipped sapphire, cut through the humid air like a laser. This is him. The man. The legend.
[00:04:09] Felix: For fuck's sake, Robert. Seriously.
[00:04:12] Robert: Watch yourself now. Do you want to hear the story or not? Fine. Fine. Have at it. Fine. We'll be good. All right, then. Now, like I was saying, that man is me, Robert Ross. Only back then, he wasn't known as Robert. He was a simple clone. ID RR7. What? Clone? Yes, yep, a clone. Now can I finish?
[00:04:42] Thorne: I really feel like you're skipping an important detail here.
[00:04:46] Robert: I promise you, I'll tell you the whole story. Yes, I was in a clone squadron. They cloned me and made a bunch like me. And then they told me I was a clone too, probably just so the other clones wouldn't feel so bad. But I'm the original, not a drop of clone in me. A head full of memories I made myself. Inner Belt born, Inner Belt raised. Now, can I continue? Or do you want to know my whole life story? Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright. Alright, fine. So anyway, there I was, deep in the jungle. Planet Ventos. Approaching a cave entrance that led to a hidden outpost of elites. Inside was my former commander, Haley, with one Y, captive and likely being tortured.
[00:05:42] Star Master Jeff: Robert swings his piercing blue eyes across the cave entrance, noting the lone guard. His three squadmates, Jackal, Envy, and Headcase, perfect clones of himself, flank the entrance from the sides as he approaches with the casual, yet effortless swagger that only the cruelest of warriors possess.
[00:06:02] Robert: If this ain't the best looking damn squadron in the whole system, let's get to it, men.
[00:06:08] Star Master Jeff: You ain't wrong, my friend. Outfitted as an elite himself and as a master of disguise, he has no reservations about approaching the guard who will likely see him as the superior he obviously is. With Jackal creeping up to the right of the cave, Envy on the left, and Headcase coming down from on top, he felt perfectly safe. So, Robert, currently you're about 20 feet out from this cave. You've clocked the lone guard, and flanking either side of the entrance and on top of the entrance are your clones. The guard sees you, and he stands up from his folding chair. He notices that you're dressed quite finely, as if you were one of the elite. He has a hand on the butt of his pistol, but he leaves it holstered.
[00:06:54] Robert: Excuse me, sir. Uh... We want to be... How's it going? Excuse me. We've just been... We've had quite a journey ourselves.
[00:07:06] Star Master Jeff: How have you been today? Hello, sir. I didn't know we had an inspection today. Oh, we're just passing through. Yeah, just a typical inspection. We? Sir, I don't see anyone else. Did you leave your entourage back into the treeline? Just me, myself, and I. Just the boys here. He looks at you kind of perplexed, and he says, Oh, very well then. So what can I help you with, sir?
[00:07:38] Robert: Now that I have your attention, I'll just tell you, in there, very close friend of mine. And I'd love to just go have a chat with her. Just trying to say what's up, see how she's been.
[00:07:51] Star Master Jeff: He steps out of the cave to kind of like be a little bit closer to you. And he says, I'm sorry, sir. We can't allow anyone in right now. The interrogation is in progress. And almost on cue, you hear a scream echoing from deep within the cave.
[00:08:08] Haleyy: But it's a man scream because, of course, Haley's not getting tortured like that. She doesn't scream when she's tortured. Wait. Sorry.
[00:08:18] Star Master Jeff: I think everyone screams when they're getting tortured.
[00:08:22] Haleyy: Yeah, maybe a man.
[00:08:28] Star Master Jeff: So you hear a scream echoing off of the walls. It is very deep and very un-Haley-like. So apparently there's someone else in there being interrogated.
[00:08:36] Haleyy: It's a scream of frustration, yes. It's the interrogators. They're not getting shit from my girl.
[00:08:42] Star Master Jeff: Yeah, the torturer. Wait, who's running this game? Okay, hold on. There's a scream way out now. You hear a scream echoing off of the walls. Why won't she break? She's too strong for us. Hurry, get that tool that pulls fingernails off. And then you hear a taunting voice say, Got anything more for me? Get the hot poker, too. That's it. We're going to get the information out of this rebel. It's the last thing we do.
[00:09:09] Haleyy: Let's see you try.
[00:09:11] Robert: And that right there, my good sir, is what I actually came here to talk to you about.
[00:09:19] Star Master Jeff: Y'all have the wrong person. Meanwhile, Jackal and Envy and Headcase, the three clones that are flanking the cave, you guys are all looking at each other and doing hand signals. Envy, can you tell me what you were trying to convey to Jackal and Headcase?
[00:09:35] Thorne: If he doesn't get in the cave in the next five seconds, I'm breaking this guy's neck. But, you know, in hand signs. What kind of motions do you do for that one? I'm signaling with my hands, I point at Ranger, I move my hands back and forth in front of my face, I tap on my wrist, and then I pantomime a neck snapping motion, and then I just generally look angry.
[00:09:57] Star Master Jeff: Okay, Ranger doesn't see any of this because he is using his incredibly beautiful piercing blue sapphire-like eyes to stare down this lone guard in front of him. Bionic peepers. They're normalized. They're not bionic yet. He doesn't have those yet. He doesn't have them at all.
[00:10:11] Felix: Jackal, how do you respond? Well, I'm kind of looking. I'm looking at Envy. I looked up my eye patch that's over my right eye so I can get a better view. And I'm just trying to understand what he's saying. And it feels like he's telling me that too much time has passed and I need to go down there and snap this guy's neck.
[00:10:32] Star Master Jeff: close enough and then both of you look up and headcase is like perched on top of the cave and he looks down at you and he nods he takes one finger and he puts it between his two fingers on his other hand that he makes a hole out of and then he does that over and over again i give him a thumbs up no idea what that could possibly mean envy's face is beet red and he's like clenching his fists and like shaking them but silently you can see the veins on his forehead like protruding Meanwhile, down on the ground, the guard says, oh, gee whiz, really? I don't think we did. Like, it's a rebel, and they were fighting us, and we took them, and now we're going to torture the... Well, we're really going to torture the heck out of her. You know what I mean?
[00:11:14] Robert: Exactly. That's... Y'all are doing a spectacular job. You just have the wrong person. And I just need to go in there, ask a couple questions, make sure things are right. I mean, would you want to get tortured just for doing your job? Huh? Yeah, I guess not.
[00:11:32] Felix: In the middle of his sentence, I jump out from the bush and stab him in the neck.
[00:11:37] Thorne: As soon as that happens, envy like charges out from his from his side of the cave. Well, I was going to do that.
[00:11:45] Star Master Jeff: Now it's going to get blood everywhere. Headcase jumps down from on top and starts stabbing the guy in the neck as well at the same moment while screaming first, first. The man crumbles to the ground, your knife still stuck in his neck, Jackal. Headcase gives him a few more quick stabs in the back. He stands up, blood covering his front, and he says to Envy, Well, it looks like Jackal and I are tied for kills. And Envy sucks, as usual.
[00:12:12] Thorne: I about had enough of you two. If it wasn't for you two, we'd be doing this mission nice and clean the way I like it. I'm getting real mad having to deal with all y'all. And he just starts like kicking rocks angrily.
[00:12:23] Felix: I pull my knife out of his neck. I wipe it on the guy's body. Well, I think it's time to get inside.
[00:12:29] Robert: You know you just jealous you didn't stab him first.
[00:12:33] Thorne: That's exactly what I'm jealous about. The next one's mine. Goddamn right, y'all. Let's get in there. At this point, Envy is pretty eager to bust some skulls, and he lost his one opportunity out here. So he moves over to the cave entrance to see what is inside.
[00:12:49] Star Master Jeff: You poke your head into the cave entrance. You can see there's a bunch of crates in here, and it's a single corridor that's lit by electric lights strung up on just cords, all temporary lighting along the walls. Maybe 40 feet down, the corridor continues on, but there is a doorway leading off to the right. It's been shored up with big logs that have been harvested from the woods. From that room off to the right, there's a lot of light spilling out, and that's where you believe these voices are continuing to echo out. Haley is saying such things as... A brand?
[00:13:25] Haleyy: That's what you think will work?
[00:13:27] Star Master Jeff: Don't be intimidated by her.
[00:13:28] Haleyy: The rebels will never put up with your bullshit if this is what you've brought on them.
[00:13:33] Star Master Jeff: Well, how about this? I stab you in the leg.
[00:13:36] Haleyy: Stab me in the leg? Ugh.
[00:13:38] Star Master Jeff: Oh my god, it didn't work.
[00:13:39] Haleyy: Yeah, that's because your knives are made of rubber here. What are your boundaries? Rubber plants?
[00:13:46] Star Master Jeff: I slapped her across the face. That showed her up. No, it didn't. Oh, my God. She's immune to slaps too.
[00:13:53] Thorne: Wow, Haley with one Y is sure something.
[00:13:55] Robert: I'm honestly trying to get down there to save whoever that torturer is. She is about to fuck that man up.
[00:14:04] Thorne: I don't see any guards in this here hallway, and I can hear the sounds of Haley with one Y really annoying those torturers. So it's probably about time we roll around on the ground and make our way in.
[00:14:20] Robert: We definitely have to make sure we maintain our disguise, of course. But this is where we use our eagle eyes and see if it's a trap.
[00:14:31] Star Master Jeff: Of course. All four Roberts take out their bionic eyes and they peer down the hallway at the door. It's 40 feet away, but now they're seeing it as if it's four feet away. Headcase remembers his accent and he says, yep, that's a doorway, all right.
[00:14:49] Felix: I've told you a hundred times. Never mind. Never mind. Just keep going.
[00:14:53] Robert: Just keep going. And then we kept going. Strolled on down that hallway.
[00:15:00] Felix: As we go down, Jackal sheathes his knife, pulls out his combat rifle, moves his eye patch so that his shooting eye is open now instead of his stabbing eye. And so he's ready for action.
[00:15:10] Star Master Jeff: So you creep your way. Are you guys creeping?
[00:15:13] Thorne: Well, I would say they were probably moving pretty creepily like down into the seer cave.
[00:15:21] Haleyy: They're sauntering.
[00:15:23] Star Master Jeff: Oh, I'm strutting because I'm in disguise. There's so much noise coming from that room. I'm not even going to ask you guys to roll sneak. You make your way down the hallway and you arrive at the doorway. Inside are two men, each with various torture implements that have been discarded all over the floor. There is a table with a few other torture implements, but obviously at one point was chock full of them, but they've already run through all of them and discarded them. In the middle of the room is Haley with one Y, a hulking six foot five woman with blonde hair. Her armor has been discarded on the floor and her weaponry is off in the corner. There is blood all around her. One eye is almost totally sealed shut. A knife is sticking out of her thigh. But she's not out of breath. But her two torturers are. Is that all you got?
[00:16:12] Felix: Now, I like torture as much as the next pirate, but this just seems a little excessive. I think we got to get in there.
[00:16:19] Star Master Jeff: You guys swing around and go, but it's for the same guy. He notices that Ranger is dressed like an elite and he says, Sir, he snaps to attention. I didn't know that there was an inspection today. Exactly. Drop and give me ten. He drops to the ground and he pulls out a ten dollar bill and hands it to you. And while he's on the ground, I shoot him in the face.
[00:16:42] Thorne: Oh my God. Well, he's dead. Bunch of fucking psychopaths.
[00:16:48] Star Master Jeff: Bunch of fucking psychopaths. Is that from an earlier episode? Yeah. I'm sorry. I should stop quoting ourselves, but I can't help it. So the other guy has a torture implement and he points it at you and then he just drops it and he says, OK, hold on. We can work this out. That guy was an asshole anyway. He deserved to die. I'm a good guy. I can help. What are you? Are you rebels? Are you rebels? I can help you if you're rebels. Yeah, I've always been very sympathetic to the rebels.
[00:17:17] Haleyy: They're great guys.
[00:17:18] Thorne: I'm sorry, but I'm an asshole, too. And then I stab them.
[00:17:24] Star Master Jeff: As the guy's dying, he says, I was incredibly evil and I deserve to die. Everyone hates me. And then he dies.
[00:17:31] Thorne: Robert, these characters sound really one dimensional. I swear he said like at least 80 percent of that.
[00:17:39] Star Master Jeff: Felix, could you like roll me out of the room?
[00:17:43] Felix: I don't feel like I have to be here for this. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. I'll just put you over here.
[00:17:49] Star Master Jeff: And Vera says, actually, I'm going to go with the good doctor. And she walks into like the medical goo room that was next door to you. And you can hear them chit chatting, probably about Lokipon. Obviously.
[00:18:02] Haleyy: Haley with one Y in the flashback. You guys going to untie me or not?
[00:18:10] Thorne: So back in the flashback, Haley with one Y is getting annoyed. Well, I guess we better untie this one.
[00:18:16] Haleyy: Nice to see you guys.
[00:18:17] Thorne: Here you go, Haley. I'm untying you right now with my hands and a little bit of help from this here knife that I got when I got assigned to this mission. It's not the best knife that I've ever got, but pretty sharp. I can't handle this many Robert Rosses.
[00:18:32] Robert: And a little help from your friends. Don't you never forget a little help from your friends.
[00:18:37] Felix: While they're doing that, I'm plundering the bodies. What are you going to do with them bodies? Loot that body.
[00:18:44] Star Master Jeff: Headcase helps you.
[00:18:45] Haleyy: Loot the bodies, but leave them here. We're going to give a sign to the other elites.
[00:18:49] Thorne: Oh, yeah. Wait, y'all. What if we became a group of disguise masters? I mean, look at these guys. They're wearing the clothes. What do you mean became? I'm already a disguise master. That's what I'm saying. But now we have the clothes for it. I can recognize that mug from a mile away.
[00:19:06] Star Master Jeff: Wait a minute. We all look the same. I know. Why don't we just put on their skin? I think that that makes sense. Now you're talking my language. You wait.
[00:19:15] Haleyy: Guys, what? What? Why did you have to get me out of here? By the way, you're interrupting my mission. I'm here for a reason.
[00:19:23] Thorne: Commander, we thought you were in the deepest of troubles.
[00:19:26] Haleyy: Really?
[00:19:27] Robert: Yeah, so Haley, I don't know what you were doing with Rebels before. You set off some red flags. There are alarm bells ringing. We need to get you out of here. Your cover is blown.
[00:19:42] Haleyy: I'm in the middle of something here. I'm in the middle of a job.
[00:19:45] Robert: Yeah, and your cover is blown.
[00:19:47] Thorne: We need to get out. We're probably going to have to kill every single person here on the way through. Who's this coming from, an Omnitak?
[00:19:55] Robert: Mr. From the top. Hey, Dolores. From no, Mr. Omni Tech himself. The big old team. John Omni Tech.
[00:20:10] Haleyy: Yes. All right. You know what? It's OK. That's that works for me.
[00:20:15] Star Master Jeff: For Roberts, not running on.
[00:20:17] Haleyy: It doesn't matter. They're still going to see my mission report eventually, but it's Let's get going. Thanks for rescuing me, you guys.
[00:20:28] Star Master Jeff: Haley, your exceptionally good ears hear people on the outside of the cave being like, Hey, wait a minute. Is this a dead body? Why is Jonathan just dead on the ground here? It looks like he's been stabbed in the neck and then later in the back like a hundred times.
[00:20:44] Felix: Yeah. Yeah, he was. Forensic analysis shows this is a post-mortem wound.
[00:20:48] Haleyy: Must be really eerie to see your future in front of you.
[00:20:52] Star Master Jeff: Holy shit. So where are you? Are you 40 feet away in the side room yelling that? Yeah, actually, I kind of. Yeah, right. You're like, what are you fucking fortune tellers? We're coming for you, bitch. So, Haley, you poked your head out of the room and you look down towards the cave entrance and you can see there's like eight guys down there. Eight elite guards, not rebels. They haven't noticed you yet, but you can see them connecting the dots. If there's a guard dead at the entrance of the cave, then that means... Then that means... What torture implements are around us? You got your knives, you got your fingernail pullers, you got your bamboo shoots, you've got your little bags of water so you can drop drops of water on people.
[00:21:39] Felix: Is there another exit from this room?
[00:21:41] Star Master Jeff: There's another exit from this room, but back out in like the main tunnel, you can go right instead of left and it will lead you further away from the entrance. But if you do that, they will see you.
[00:21:50] Robert: Now, Haley, you do have a knife in your thigh. That does not look super common.
[00:21:57] Haleyy: fine I got this and she rips the knife out of her leg and blood splatters everywhere like a Quentin Tarantino movie like sprays everywhere but she's perfectly fine because this is Robert Ross flashback and Hayley is like the coolest chick to ever live best one to ever do it
[00:22:15] Felix: I got this here smoke grenade. I say I lob it out the door, give it some cover, and we see where this cave leads.
[00:22:22] Thorne: Oh, yeah. I like the way you think.
[00:22:24] Haleyy: Always reliable.
[00:22:25] Felix: And I know we're all anxious to do some killing and get out of here, but, you know, we got to be smart and tactical. Tactical. Tactile.
[00:22:36] Star Master Jeff: We got to be touched.
[00:22:37] Robert: Mm-hmm. yep and when we're ready i mean we're gonna have to move we're gonna have to haul ass y'all we're gonna get up down this hall and bank it real hard that's right you give the word ranger and i'll throw this baby okay sir we're ready and that's gonna be a three two one roll i kick open the door and i throw the smoke grenade
[00:22:59] Star Master Jeff: You hear the eight men at the end of the cave entrance all at the same time go, oh, oh my God, it's smoky. Why is it getting smoky in here? There's so much smoke everywhere. As I throw it, I yell, Avast! Pirate attack, watch out! And they start firing wildly into the smoke. Well, we better start running.
[00:23:16] Haleyy: Yeah, start running.
[00:23:17] Star Master Jeff: Okay, you guys are all running as bullets are whizzing around you. Roll evasion. You'll never take me alive.
[00:23:25] Thorne: I ain't scared of no bullets.
[00:23:28] Star Master Jeff: Okay, so you guys are booking it down the hallway, and four out of the five of you made it. Oh, no. Envy made it. Haley made it. Ranger made it. Headcase made it. Jackal missed it. Jackal. Jackal, Jackal, Jackal. You are going to get struck by a bullet. Oh, God.
[00:23:47] Thorne: Well, we better be ducking and covering because them bullets is going to rip through our flesh. We're not careful. Does anybody smell like a smoke?
[00:23:57] Star Master Jeff: Oh, the bullet ricochets off the wall and pierces into your buttocks for six points of damage.
[00:24:06] Felix: A snake, a snake jumped up and bit me.
[00:24:10] Thorne: Jackal, Jackal's hit. Oh, you're all right, buddy. You're going to be fine. Y'all want me to finish him off?
[00:24:16] Star Master Jeff: I'm still running. I can make it. Don't leave me behind. No, he's done. Leave him behind. Leave him. Someone trip him.
[00:24:21] Thorne: We can just leave him. Yeah, we can just leave him.
[00:24:23] Haleyy: We don't leave people behind.
[00:24:25] Felix: Don't leave me, boys. We don't have to outrun those eight guys. We just get to outrun Jackal Brothers. Don't leave me behind.
[00:24:30] Haleyy: Someday, my sister's going to be in this situation a lot, and I don't want anyone to leave her behind.
[00:24:36] Star Master Jeff: Wait a minute, you have a sister? Yeah. Is she single?
[00:24:39] Haleyy: She is not. Ah, shit. It's so interesting the personality programs they put you guys through.
[00:24:47] Thorne: Nobody programmed me, baby. I was born this way.
[00:24:50] Robert: That was not originally intended. You know, like when you photocopy something too many times, it just gets a little fuzzy.
[00:25:00] Thorne: Now, hold on. Did you just call me a photocopy? Because I take offense to being called a photocopy.
[00:25:07] Star Master Jeff: Hold on. Are you calling us photocopies? Because that's offensive. Are you calling us photocopies? So you run, run, run, run, run. You run. You choose a fork. You run. You choose another fork. You run. You run. You run. You choose another fork. All the while you are being chased and smoke grenades are being dropped behind you until all five of your smoke grenades have been exhausted. But they split up at every fork. You are unable to completely lose them. You are now at a dead end. There's a group of them bearing down on you. You can't see them yet, but off in the distance you can see their flashlight beams playing over the walls. They were running, but they've slowed down. You hear one of them say, what a bunch of dumb dumbs. Don't they know this is a dead end? And they continue to slow down as they look for you. And you hear their guns cocking.
[00:25:52] Thorne: Well, listen to me, y'all. Here's what I'm thinking. Because this here is a dead end. They'll be the ones who are dead when they get to the end.
[00:26:00] Robert: Get ready, y'all. Tallahassee handshake time.
[00:26:04] Haleyy: Tallahassee handshake. Yeah, you know it, Robert. Let's go.
[00:26:08] Star Master Jeff: Jackal, you fall into a knee and you are gently probing the bullet out of your left buttocks when you notice that there's a large crack in the ground. It goes quite deep.
[00:26:17] Thorne: That ain't the only large crack back there.
[00:26:20] Felix: Hey, calm down. Now, listen, you guys keep them occupied. I'm going to blast them all the way out of here. Seems like we got a way out and I got just the explosive to do it. I pull out my shape demo charge and begin getting to work.
[00:26:35] Robert: You're just going to pull up an image of Calypso just like that?
[00:26:38] Felix: It's a blessing. It's to make the charge do what I need it to do. Now, we all got to move away.
[00:26:43] Robert: Yep, and I cover the back while he does it. So I just start blasting.
[00:26:48] Star Master Jeff: Okay, you all walk 20 feet away from it, in front of it, and start shooting down the hallway at the flashlights. Immediately, you see a few of the flashlights drop to the ground and then return fire through the darkness, but everyone's shooting almost completely blind because once you start shooting at them, their flashlights go out. Then, from behind you... Avast!
[00:27:07] Felix: Get your heads down! Is there a chance, Robert, that we could, I don't know, skip ahead to what's important?
[00:27:20] Robert: You know what? You're right. We get to the bottom. Everybody made it, except for Headcase. Headcase took a little hitter into God, oh, it was awful.
[00:27:36] Felix: Wait, which one was Headcase? Is that the pirate one?
[00:27:39] Robert: Damn it, Felix. Yeah, okay. Let me continue.
[00:27:42] Thorne: Oh, Headcase was the one with the... Thorn.
[00:27:44] Robert: Yep. Thorn. Thorn.
[00:27:47] Felix: Oh, the asexual proclivities, that one. Yeah, yeah.
[00:27:50] Star Master Jeff: As I was saying... So you're all down at the bottom of the cliff now. Headcase is dead. Laying on the ground, his neck snapped. Just one more clone for the garbage pile. Robert watches calmly as his two other clones sweep their flashlights over the flat area at the bottom of the cliff. Something catches his finely tuned eyes and, pulling out his bionic, telescopic lenses, He confirms his suspicions. There's an alien structure up ahead, just like they found on Sibylen, just like they found on Polyphn, and on a whole host of other planets. He directs his clones to focus their light as he lowers his binoculars, his sharp jawline tensing as he realizes that the only way out is forward. Running his hand down his finely stubbled cheek, he appraises the structure, at least three stories, and leading right up to the roof of the cavern. This structure is seemingly formed of the rock itself, as though the cavern was simply melted down and it was left behind in its wake. Bands of salt rim the cavern, hinting at an ancient subterranean sea that once pooled here.
[00:29:01] Felix: What do y'all want to do here? I kind of step forward cautiously and shine my light inside. See what I can see.
[00:29:09] Star Master Jeff: You shine your light in and the building itself is maybe like 75 by 75 feet, like footprint wise. So it's not a very large building. Shining your light in, you can see it's comprised of one giant room. But your flashlight can't really reach far enough to go all the way to the opposite wall. So you see a lot of various random structures in there, but you can't quite make them out. There's one thing that you notice for sure. In the middle of the room, there is a large spire-like structure. And along the right wall, you see a tube large enough for a person to climb into, leading straight upwards. At least it's not jello.
[00:29:48] Felix: Well, these are uncharted waters, but I think we have to go in here and figure out what's going on.
[00:29:53] Thorne: Think you'd be right about that.
[00:29:54] Felix: Yep. Let's send it like a chick. All right, so I think we, yeah, we're moving into the room in kind of like, you know, combat formation, like sweeping lights, keeping our guns trained. Our train is kicking in.
[00:30:05] Star Master Jeff: Moving inside, you find that the structure that's in the middle of the room is a large tuning fork of some kind. It's one of those alien spires. Energy is crackling between its tines. I don't like the look of this. Between the tines of the spire, the energy coalesces into an image. The image of a planet with red clouds and a red sun. You don't realize it, Haley, but you move closer. The others in your squad are distracted. They don't notice exactly how close you've gotten. Suddenly, an arc of energy glances out and strikes you, tossing you to the ground like a ragdoll. Your hair stands on end, your eyes roll back into your head, and you begin to shake. You collapse onto the ground, going unconscious. All of the robbers see this, and then the spire goes dark. plunging you into darkness. Chaotic flashlight beams throwing themselves across the wall, looking for Haley. You cannot find her. She should be right here. She's not on the ground. Where is she? Finally, when you find her, she's curled up around the spire, hugging it, unconscious.
[00:31:18] Haleyy: Haley. Haley. Haley.
[00:31:22] Star Master Jeff: She slowly comes to.
[00:31:25] Haleyy: What is it, Robert? Why'd you touch it? You guys just... Stay away from this thing. Let's keep looking.
[00:31:36] Star Master Jeff: Haley, you shake off the rest of whatever it is that just happened to you, and you let Ranger help you to your feet. Ranger, it is at that point you realize that her previously brown eyes have turned a startling shade of green, and the tips of her hair have been singed and are actively still smoking, filling the air with a rancid scent.
[00:31:57] Haleyy: Carol, what just happened to you? Ranger, it does not matter. What is that smell? No, you guys listen to me right now. You guys were sent here to extract me. You're going to do it.
[00:32:09] Star Master Jeff: It does not go unnoticed to you that there seems to be a tone shift with Haley with one Y. She seems a bit discombobulated, her eyes unfocused, and she stumbles a bit as she walks. It's possible she's just in shock.
[00:32:23] Robert: Haley, of course. You have just called me out way too many times for smelling like burnt ass, and now I just finally get my comeuppance.
[00:32:31] Haleyy: I do owe you, I guess, a little one, Ranger, yes. We've been through a lot together, and this is the first time that I have smelled like ass instead of you. But that is not an invitation to touch the weird structure. We will catalog it, send the info on to Omnitek, and they'll take care of it. Is that an order? Yes, Ranger. That's an order.
[00:32:56] Star Master Jeff: God. Miami is my, um... Envy, you use your bionic eyes and you look up at the tube and you see that it has a point at the very top. You can just barely make it out in the meager light that you have from your dancing flashlight. There is a landing up there. The tube's not so wide that you can't use your arms and legs to shimmy up along your back. It's going to be a bit of a physical trial, but that's exactly what you were born for.
[00:33:22] Thorne: Well, Commander, if we're looking for a way out, this seems to be our best bet. It goes up pretty high, but I can see there's a landing up there. And as long as we use the pressure from our arms and legs, we should be able to shimmy our way up this tube. Want me to go ahead and scout it out?
[00:33:39] Haleyy: You can go scout it out. Ranger, I think my compad's broken, though. So you're going to have to watch him. Just one of you guys has to make sure that he's okay. Okay.
[00:33:50] Felix: Robert, Robert, just you're skipping over everything about this alien artifact. Like, I hope there's more because this has not been helpful so far. So can you just get us to the part that's supposed to help us understand what's happening?
[00:34:02] Robert: I personally feel it is critical to the story that we fell down the tube about 17 times. Anyway, we made it to the top of the tube. But do you want to hear the part about the motorcycles?
[00:34:15] Thorne: Okay, I'll do the whole thing. No, our patience is running thin, Robert. How relevant is it, Robert? Because we're running out of time.
[00:34:23] Robert: Okay, we get up the tube. We sneak one, two, three rooms forward. There are two guards. Motorcycles. We knock them out real silent. Grab those motorcycles. We blast into the jungle. It starts with two motorcycles. I'm riding one, Haley's driving the other. We do a jump, my motorcycle locks into hers. And then Haley is driving all three of us. Well, four of us, of course, with her. And we're gunning, she's driving. We're going through the jungles. I honestly do not know how she was doing it, because every time I looked forward to see where we were going, I swear I ate 15 bucks. It was a damn swarm. I mean, my God, I'm sweating. I'm chewing bugs.
[00:35:13] Thorne: I mean, I definitely got some protein bugs like really relevant. We're trying to save time.
[00:35:18] Robert: Remember, I'm telling you, it was very relevant to my memory. I've been reading so many bugs in my life. Why don't why didn't these motorcycles have windshield? God only knows. Anyway, we bust up. Into a clearing. Finally. Chased through the jungle for what must have been minutes, hours. God only knows. All I remember is how many bugs I ate. We're at the LZ. Ready to get picked up. And then...
[00:35:50] Star Master Jeff: Down in the clearing, you find yourself alone. The four of you, two motorcycles tossed onto their sides. The four, eight, sixteen men that were chasing you through the woods on motorcycles are desperately searching for you. You can hear them circling the clearing, getting ever closer. It's only a matter of time until they find you. Robert hurriedly gets on the communications device, punches in the coordinates, and waits for transport. All that's left to do is defend yourselves while that transport locks in on your location.
[00:36:23] Haleyy: Ranger, I want you to know that I always saw you as an individual, and I always wanted to make sure that you would get home okay.
[00:36:30] Robert: Haley, yeah, of course. And we're, we are going to be fine. You have been with me since basic training. I will always remember what we've been through. But I'm telling you, we're going to make this. We are going to survive.
[00:36:49] Star Master Jeff: Dace, we are entering combat. The motorcycle rebels are catching up to you. Your job, stay alive, wait for the transport. Everyone roll initiative.
[00:37:00] Haleyy: I rolled a two.
[00:37:02] Star Master Jeff: Oh, no.
[00:37:04] Felix: These are all really low.
[00:37:05] Haleyy: Yeah, I also I typically roll sevens.
[00:37:09] Star Master Jeff: Well, it looks like motorcycle guy goes first. He drives in, drops his motorcycle and hunkers down behind it. The next motorcycle guy, who also beat your initiative, he drives in and kind of like awkwardly stops and pulls out his gun. But that's his whole turn. He doesn't have quick draw or anything like that. So these two guys have moved into the clearing and they are ready to fight. Jackal, you are the first of the characters to actually go. What would you like to do?
[00:37:37] Felix: Okay, so is there like shrubs and like bushes and stuff around us?
[00:37:44] Star Master Jeff: You are in a large clearing. It is almost entirely clear of trees. There are a few trees here and there, some of them near you. There are also several bushes all over the place and the rest of it is all like scrub grass or bare dirt. The rim of this large clearing is the entryway into the jungle. It looks like this is a naturally occurring clearing. It doesn't look like it was like forcefully like clear cut or anything like that. So near you, you have a couple of bushes, a couple of trees, but other than that, it's very clear.
[00:38:10] Felix: Okay, so standing where I am, I'm going to draw my combat rifle that is readied, and I'm going to fire at the elite who came up second, the one who didn't get behind his bike. And I'm going to take a shot at him with my combat rifle.
[00:38:24] Star Master Jeff: As you aim at him, he says, You will never defeat the oligarchy! And...
[00:38:29] Felix: I say, um... Yo-ho. And I shoot. Oh, you're like the epitome of a rebel as a pirate. I'm a pirate. Does a 17 hit? Come on, you know, a 17 hits. Don't give me that. So that's going to be 11 damage.
[00:38:43] Star Master Jeff: What? Oh, you're all playing Roberts. Oh, I forgot. Roberts are really good at stuff. Oh no, a whole party of robbers.
[00:38:52] Felix: Yeah, I killed that guy, or I took him down with a hail of bullets, and I'm going to duck down behind a tree nearby to kind of take some cover with my move.
[00:39:02] Star Master Jeff: Okay, there is only one motorcycle guy left in the clearing, but you can see that there are two quickly approaching, and you can hear others flanking you from the left and right. You're not sure if they're going to end up flanking you, but you can hear motorcycles off in the trees, desperately searching. And now that there has been the echoing burst of gunfire, they're probably going to quickly zero in on you. As if on cue, now that your turn has ended, one of those motorcycled elites drives in and gets behind one of the trees about 20 feet away from you. So you have one that's on his belly, behind his motorcycle, taking aim at you, and another that pops his kickstand, hops off his motorcycle, and pulls out his gun, hiding behind a tree. That's the end of his turn. Envy, yet another clone. Who are you going to instantly kill today?
[00:39:47] Thorne: The sound of Jackal's rifle going off sort of ignites something inside of Envy, and a fury bubbles up. One of the ones that just came in and got behind the bush, I could see him over there, and without any regard for his own safety or for what would be strategically viable, Envy just walks like a madman into the clearing and just starts opening fire. Oh god, here he goes again. Does a 14 hit? Yes, a 14 hits. So 12 points of damage as the first fire from this rifle.
[00:40:27] Star Master Jeff: Yeah, you drop him like a sack of potatoes and just he's a bloody mass of a man now just laying on the ground. And as he dies, wait, am I? I forget. Am I making these people into real humans this time around?
[00:40:39] Thorne: No, no, no. You're dehumanizing them, if anything.
[00:40:43] Star Master Jeff: He falls to the ground. He just says, I'm an animal. Moo. Manifest destiny. It was totally your right to kill me.
[00:40:49] Haleyy: Oh, my God.
[00:40:50] Thorne: Envy finally reaches the location where he was hiding. His corpse is now just dripping blood and riddled with bullet holes. And Envy just kind of kicks some dirt on it and looks for his next target. Jeez. Okay.
[00:41:04] Robert: Ranger. Robert. Yep. And he was asking for it. Let me tell you. And then I see the guy coming. One more motorcycle. And I start shooting. I do start. Let's see. And that's going to be a 24 to hit. Oh, my God. With a six damage.
[00:41:28] Star Master Jeff: Oh, just enough to kill him. you've done a great job of holding off everyone as the chopper comes into the lz the motorcycles begin to circle closer and closer but the chopper's minigun opens fire and you hear it tearing apart the trees in the distance keeping them at bay you hear screams and then closer a motorcycle explodes the chopper comes in and lands in the clearing a raucous loud machine with multiple propellers. On its back are twin engines that allow it increased forward propulsion. This will take you back out to the coast of Ventos, where you will take your space transport back up to your dropship and off to safety.
[00:42:11] Thorne: Well, I hope them money-grubbin' bastards learn not to mess with us. Right.
[00:42:16] Felix: Now let's get off this hellhole.
[00:42:18] Thorne: I think I just ate a bug.
[00:42:19] Haleyy: Good job, guys.
[00:42:20] Star Master Jeff: The transport touches down, and the pilot waves to you calmly, not at all worried about the motorcycles that are looping around the clearing.
[00:42:28] Felix: I casually jog over, nod to the pilot, and get in.
[00:42:31] Haleyy: Haley's waving the guys in to get onto it, because she always enters last to make sure all of her guys are okay.
[00:42:37] Thorne: I was looking for someone else to kill, but I don't see anyone, and the commander's giving me the signal to get on board, so I get on board.
[00:42:43] Star Master Jeff: Let's do this thing. All four of you load up onto the transport. The minigun guy gives you a quick salute. The pilot gives you the go signal, and he lifts off. You climb higher and higher into the sky, getting just over the top of the trees. You pop on your headset so you can hear what the pilot is saying, and he says, We're gonna have to stay low. They have incredible air defense all over this section. We'll go 10 clicks north, we'll raise higher, and I'll bring you the rest of the way out to the shore. Robert, you notice that you are flying directly away from the city that the elites control. While you're moving south, you see off to the east an odd metal structure. You don't remember hearing anything about this in your briefings. The structure seems to be moving, or is it just shimmering in the intense sunlight of Ventos? It's hard to tell. The chopper gets closer and closer to it, turning further and further east to make its way out to the shoreline. That's when you see it unfold quickly, like a switchblade. It spreads to twice its width from out of the top half. Two arms unfold and a head flips up from its chest. They have an anti-air neck. It stomps towards you. The pilot doesn't seem to notice it.
[00:44:01] Robert: Do you not see that thing? Look at this. We best get out of here.
[00:44:06] Star Master Jeff: We best be moving. We gotta stay low! What are you talking about? It steps forward, stomping over huge swaths of trees, crushing everything in its path, towering at least 75 feet tall. Then it comes into view of the pilot, and he screams as the anti-air mech swats one of the propellers of the helicopter, knocking it out of the sky. In the distance, you can hear the gunfire erupting, the bombs and the grenades. There's a battle near here, rebels versus elites. Robert, you're just coming to. Your hand that's on your stomach, you can't feel it. You're probing it with your other hand, but you have no feeling at all. Then you realize it's not your hand. Jackals a few feet away, armless. That arm is resting on your body. You look around and you see envy, decapitated. The pilot is slumped over his controls. The helicopter, a mangled wreck. You find Haley under a bush, her limbs cocked in unnatural ways, blood covering her face. Her eyes are closed, but it seems like just maybe she might be still breathing.
[00:45:37] Robert: We need a new drop point. We need a new drop point right now. We have a commander down. We have a commander down. Medpacks being administered currently. I take a Lazarus pack. I know you have this. I told you we had this. We are going to make it. Lazarus patch. There's no response. We got this. I know. Yep. I don't think I put it on right. Hold on. Hold on. Lazarus patch.
[00:46:11] Star Master Jeff: And with that, she seems to move a bit. There we go. You wait for a tense few seconds, but she doesn't move again. Damn it. And now you can't find a pulse. No. Reality sets in on you. I'm sorry, Robert, but she's gone. Lazarus patch. Lazarus patch.
[00:46:32] Robert: Lazarus patch. Lazarus patch.
[00:46:39] Star Master Jeff: Robert trails off. The scene he was painting in the jungles of Ventos dissolves. For a moment, Robert's chin sinks into his chest and he closes his eyes. You think he's done, but after a long, silent minute, he speaks.
[00:46:53] Robert: I knew we failed, but I wasn't going to leave her behind. I grabbed Haley and I shoved her on that ship and off we went. I must have checked damn near a hundred times on the way back to the drop ship, but she was dead. A month later, recovered and refreshed, I was put on desk duty. A month after that, I was informed the clone program was scrapped to avoid all contact with my clones. Good fucking riddance. Never needed him anyway. I was transferred from corp to corp, all under the same Virodyn umbrella, until one day, months after Ventos, I found myself on a planet with no name, in a facility with no designation, talking to a man with no rank. He wore one of them lab coats, like a doctor, but I remember he wasn't smiling, no matter what I said. I knew whatever posting I was heading to was going to suck. I was led into a room, and boom, I saw Haley, alive and well, sitting at a table having a coffee. The doctor said she'd been asking about me, wouldn't shut up about me. But that was all she remembered. She didn't even know who she was. Kept calling herself Haley with two Ys. Younger sister of herself, Haley. If that makes any sense. Sure didn't to me. But yet, it was her. As sure as I sit here with you, she was alive and breathing. But I said, Doc, I saw her. Her ass was dead. And only then did he crack a smile. Or I guess he showed his teeth. And boy, did that make me uneasy. He told me she was bagged and tagged. But a few hours later, she came scrambling out of the morgue. Her wounds visibly stitched themselves together. You believe that? Within a few days, she was fully healed. Her mind didn't follow suit, though. And I'll tell you what, they detected some strange shit up in her brain. Ooh, boy, let me tell you. Activity that fell off just as soon as she finished healing up. They tried to make it happen again and again and again. Even went so far as to hurt her, but it never worked. All she did was ask for Robert. Robert. Robert this, Robert that. Only one time did she say Ranger instead of Rob, and they knew to come find me. She didn't remember much, but she remembered me.
[00:49:51] Thorne: Wait, you're telling us she's some sort of mutant? Like she healed herself from death?
[00:49:59] Robert: I'm not not saying that. I don't know what to tell you, but that's what happened. But how did you end up on Camiri 4?
[00:50:08] Felix: I mean, there's no way that they just let the two of you walk out of there.
[00:50:12] Robert: Oh, hell no, they didn't. I was assigned to a new mission. To bless Haley with two wives with my presence until she remembered more of who she was. We were assigned to Omnitek headquarters on Polyphn. But along the way, our orders changed. The transport sergeant didn't even blink, just changed course for Camiri 4, dropped us off, poof. I met y'all fine, folks. I suppose I have you to thank, Dr. Voss. Well, that's it. That's the story. Up till today, Haley still doesn't know the truth. There were a few times I started to see the old Haley, my commander, peeking through. Even now she's in there, I know it, waiting to get out.
[00:51:09] Star Master Jeff: You all turn to look at Haley as she rests on the cold stone floor of that alien building. Her eyelids flutter as she mumbles, caught in the snare of some wicked dream. A dream playing out deep within her subconscious as she is finally forced to reconcile with who she was, who she is, and who she wants to be. Get ready, players, because next time we're focusing on Haley. And each of you will be playing a part in her erratic and chaotic dreams of a nascent bio-psionic with multiple personalities and a deeply compromised psyche. Oh, damn.
[00:51:46] Haleyy: This so explains how unhinged Haley has been, by the way. Like, I have been... That's amazing.
[00:51:54] Thorne: So many questions.
[00:51:56] Star Master Jeff: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight. Thank you so much for listening to this special episode of the Dark Star Adventurecast, where we delve into Robert's backstory and get a little peek at Haley's as well. Join us next time for Haley's backstory, where we will go into her dreams quite literally, and each of the characters will be playing a dream persona to help her along her journey into rediscovering who she really is. Our cast tonight was, of course, Doja as Robert Ross, also now known as CloneRR7. We had Scott playing Jackal, Brian playing Envy. And then, of course, we had Stephanie as Hayley with one Y. And then you had me, Star Master Jeff, playing everyone and everything else. Well, once again, thank you so much for listening. We hope you liked this exploration of who Robert Ross is. And we'll catch you on the next one.