You Broke the Ship, Robert

Sep 1

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Patrol Boat Six catches up mid-flight, weapons hot, and the Scapegoat barely has an engine left to run on. Felix spends the whole episode losing a fight with a redlining engine room. Robert pushes the throttle past where anyone told him to. Down in the cargo hold, Froggy finds a book he shouldn't have, and decides it's a job application. Somewhere in the middle of all of it, Haleyy finally figures out what's been wrong with her gun since Episode 1.

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Meet the Crew:

Jeff as Star Master
Brian as Captain Thorne
Stephanie as the warrior Haleyy
Doja as the wildcard pilot Robert
Scott as the transhuman hacker Felix

Special thanks to Brad and Holly, our Scapegoat Syndicate members!

They're keeping the lights on, and the airlocks sealed.

[00:00:01] Star Master Jeff: Welcome to the Dark Star Adventure Cast, where the only thing standing between you and the Black is your ship and the strength of your crew. Void help us all.
[00:00:10] Thorne: If I find out that anyone on this ship is twisting anyone else's nipples without consent, we're gonna have a problem, okay?
[00:00:14] Felix: Give it all she's got, captain.
[00:00:17] Robert: Please tell me you didn't break the ship again. Let's fucking go.
[00:00:21] Star Master Jeff: Previously on the Dark Star Adventurecast... the crew infiltrated Causeway 3, a hidden Virodyne routing station, hunting for the location of Dr. Elara Voss, captured weeks ago by Viktor Strake. They found their answer. Voss is being held at Prometheon Station. And buried in that same data, a second discovery: the vault holding Felix's brother Petey, trapped as an AI in Omnitek's servers, passed through this same station on its way to Prometheon as well. But they didn't get away clean, because hacking the station tripped an alarm, and Virodyne's Patrol Boat 6 is already en route, weapons hot, and the Scapegoat is still spinning up their spike drive to make a run for it. We tune in now to the bridge of the Scapegoat, and Captain Thorne, just wrapping his head around the situation, starts to issue his initial orders.
[00:00:59] Thorne: Felix, any chance you can get down to the engine room and try to boost the engines? I'll see what I can do, Cap.
[00:01:05] Star Master Jeff: Your in-ship communications buzz on the communication panel directly in front of you, Felix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? Hey, y'all. I happened to notice that we started moving and, well, there's a ship so close outside I can see it with my bare eyeballs. I'm wondering if I should be worried about that.
[00:01:22] Haleyy: Yes, Iso, we are worried about that one.
[00:01:25] Star Master Jeff: What can I do to help?
[00:01:26] Robert: Hey, if you find an open gun, sit down. Healing almost dead Thorn would also be great.
[00:01:30] Thorne: I'm fine. Let's just get the hell out of here.
[00:01:35] Star Master Jeff: So, Felix, you said you were running down to the engine room. Iso clicks off her comms. You hear her rack a shell in her shotgun, so she may not have totally understood what you meant. That works. Loosen up.
[00:01:46] Robert: Yeah, I'm thinking we might need to take evasive maneuvers because this thing is right up on us if Iso can see it.
[00:01:55] Star Master Jeff: Felix, you have already been ordered down to the engine room to boost the engines by your captain. It is your turn. What would you like to do? Gonna give it me all. No.
[00:02:09] Felix: Give it all she's got, captain. Give it all she's got, captain. So Felix is going to go bursting into the engine room. I'm looking to eke out any extra iota of power I can get out of the scapegoat. Pushing red lines, twisting knobs, punching dials. I got a big ratchet. I'm ratcheting something.
[00:02:30] Star Master Jeff: The goat is already running hot because she was at a stock still. When Robert jumped into the pilot's seat and threw the thruster into Max, this is not a slow warm-up. She went from nothing to Max very quickly, and he's already stressing out the engine quite a bit. So you may have to deal with that before you try to figure out how to make her go even faster. Okay. Go ahead and roll your fix int. That's a 10. Great roll. The ship's speed increases. Robert, even up in the pilot's chair, you can almost feel like, I mean, you're in space. There's a little bit more inertia as you get pushed forward, but you see the speed tick up by 15%. Down in the engine room, you were nearly redlining, and now you are fully redlining. A steam valve erupts next to you, bathing you in scalding steam. Take a hit point of damage, Felix. You're pushing the goat too hard. Thorn, you just ordered Felix down to the engine room, and you can now already feel the speed increases. Haley has moved into the weapon station. Robert is piloting like his life depends on it, and maybe it does. What would you like to do, Thorn?
[00:03:44] Thorne: All right, Robert, you feel that boost, right? You're going to be getting us the hell out of here as fast as we can.
[00:03:48] Robert: Yeah, Felix, you're supposed to tell us when you put it up to 11.
[00:03:55] Felix: Robert, I got enough going on down here. You guys hear steam hissing in the background, and I shut off the comms.
[00:04:01] Robert: Jesus, man, just call up to us. What the hell's happening down there?
[00:04:05] Star Master Jeff: Robert, you are being increasingly pressed into your chair as you feel the scapegoat being pushed beyond her normal capabilities. But yet, patrol boat six is hanging tight. You don't think it's gaining anymore, but you don't exactly see it slipping away either.
[00:04:23] Thorne: All right, Robert, you feel that boost, right? You keep that thing throttled up high and get us the hell out of here. And if you feel like they get close enough, just start taking evasive maneuvers. Whatever you got to do, I don't want another laser hole in this ship.
[00:04:34] Robert: Yeah, I feel it. Um, Felix, I think you got it. Watch the gauges, watch the gauges. I'm gonna press this thing to the max. Let's see if we can put some distance between us.
[00:04:46] Star Master Jeff: You slam the throttle all the way forward as you pull out your dice bag and roll, Pilot Dex. Hey, well... Jesus. Yeah, the pilot on this random outpost patrol boat is not as good as your skill at piloting. They are out in the far reaches of the sector protecting Causeway 3 because they are not awesome combat pilots just like you. I rolled a 4, you rolled a 12. Even without adding speed to it as a factor, you win. You zoom away from them. Felix, down in the engine room, a gasket explodes and a fireball encompasses the far side of the engine room. Whatever the hell Robert's doing up there, the goat don't like it.
[00:05:30] Felix: Robert, keep her together! Holy smokes. And I am going to try, when it's appropriate, to, like, batten things down and fix things up. And now that I've got a bit of extra juice in her, keep her running, not explode.
[00:05:44] Star Master Jeff: Okay, you're frantically running around, turning valves and trying to seal things up. But every time you seal something up, she starts to creep ever closer to that red line once again.
[00:05:54] Robert: Felix, I can run her smooth, or I can run her the fuck up out of here. Do you want to have this thing at the end of the day?
[00:06:02] Star Master Jeff: Just keep her going. I'll keep her working. Haley, you slid into the weapons seat. Weapons are hot. Your hands are on the toggles. Your seat belted in because the inertia of what just happened almost threw you clear across the goddamn cabin. They're in your sights, but they're too far away to shoot at. Thanks to the machinations of Felix and Robert constantly making it so you can't just shoot a motherfucker whenever you want to. Sorry. So in the meantime, what would you like to do?
[00:06:29] Haleyy: Jerks. I would like to do a once over of everything again to make sure that I am ready to use. What would the most effective weapon be for this thing?
[00:06:42] Star Master Jeff: Sand chucker? Yeah, probably the sand thrower.
[00:06:45] Haleyy: Yeah, I think the sand chucker.
[00:06:48] Star Master Jeff: We've renamed that weapon long ago now. Sand chucker. Go ahead and roll your shoot intelligence.
[00:06:55] Haleyy: Oh, no. I don't think very well about these things. I just do. Oh, my God. That's very good, actually. That's really good for me.
[00:07:05] Star Master Jeff: You haven't read the manual for this damn thing completely yet. But since the last time you were in space combat, you did browse through it once Felix actually took the time to hook up the old printer and get you a paper readout. So you understand a bit more about it, even though you refuse to read it on the data pad.
[00:07:24] Haleyy: Perfect late night reading.
[00:07:27] Star Master Jeff: You find that it is indeed miscalibrated because, well, if you remember correctly, back when you were fighting the drift rats, you missed almost every shot. And that wasn't because you're bad at shooting. No, no, no. This is a miscalibrated gun. So you hurriedly start going through the menus and start calibrating it against the nearest target you can, which is patrol boat six. If the time comes, you're pretty sure you can hit your shot.
[00:07:53] Haleyy: Amazing. I knew it wasn't me.
[00:07:55] Star Master Jeff: It was never you, Hayley. We all believed in you. We're 21 episodes later and you should have hit those shots. I still feel that in my heart.
[00:08:03] Haleyy: That fight was so stressful. It was awful.
[00:08:05] Felix: I like that it's been like eight months and she hasn't checked the settings on her guns. No, she just learned that there were settings.
[00:08:14] Star Master Jeff: So, previously, Thorn ordered Felix down to the engine room. Felix, you are down there. Fireballs, steam, redlining ship. While up on the bridge, everyone's nice, cool, and protected as they safely glide away from Patrol Boat 6. And you are in the hellfire. You are in the shit. What do you do?
[00:08:32] Felix: I mean, I'm just trying to keep it from exploding at this point, basically. So just like emergency repairs on the little systems that are popping up and duct tape and hopes and prayers. Do you perform emergency repairs? Roll fix int. Just a five that time. I'm going to go ahead and reroll. Let's do that. Let's roll that back. This is a new scene. Let's roll that back, shall we? A six. Very slightly better.
[00:08:57] Star Master Jeff: Okay. A six is not good enough because the DC is eight for emergency repairs. The steam, the gouts of fire, the redlining, it's all happening, and it's starting to get worse. You feel like this is a engine room that should have at least two people in it right now, if not a full team of four. You briefly regret ever teaming up with these people.
[00:09:21] Felix: Thorne, it's getting a bit hot down here. I could use an extra set of hands if you got them.
[00:09:25] Thorne: You heard the man, Robert. I'm going to head down to the engine room. Just keep that pedal to the metal and we'll keep her from blowing up.
[00:09:31] Robert: You want it all the way out, Captain? Or should I slow it down just a little bit?
[00:09:37] Thorne: Yeah, put it as high as it'll go and then even higher than that.
[00:09:42] Robert: There's Felix speed, and then there's like top speed. Felix speed is I rev it until Felix starts screaming at me. Then top speed is I keep going after that. Felix speed or top speed, sir?
[00:09:56] Thorne: You ignore those screams. That's top speed, soldier. Sir, yes, sir. And then I just start running down to engineering. Felix, I'm on my way.
[00:10:04] Star Master Jeff: You go to run out of the bridge, yelling at Felix over the comms, and you almost barrel straight into Froggy, who is standing at the entrance to the command center. His sleeves rolled up, standing in heroic pose, and he says, Captain! You finally came out, bud. We could really use your help in this one. You ready to get to work? I'm here to assume the role of captain. Make your way down to the engineering like Felix said. I will take command here. You can trust me. As your trusted second in command, I so take this duty.
[00:10:34] Thorne: Okay, we'll talk more about the whole second in command thing later, but I like where your head's at. I'll be back. And then I just run off.
[00:10:41] Star Master Jeff: He walks in, and as you run off, you hear him say, Bobbert, keep flying. Pedal to the metal. Bobbert, your turn. What would you like to do?
[00:10:52] Robert: God, I take a deep mental debuff in concentration.
[00:10:58] Star Master Jeff: um because of want to murder froggy but um i'm gonna because of want to murder because it is your want i'm gonna let that go i'm gonna try would you like to make a meditation roll to see if you can overcome god i think i need to roll wisdom yeah go ahead and roll a mental saving throw because froggy is a fucking mental illness for you Hey! Succeeded. Froggy, are you helping right now? I'm here to help, Bobbert. And he puts a hand on your shoulder and your shoulder becomes wet because Froggy is always moist.
[00:11:37] Robert: Do you want to sit on my lap and help me drive the ship? Yep, I'm going to help you. I'm going to learn you a thing or two.
[00:11:46] Haleyy: Can you guys get off comms? There's a fight happening.
[00:11:53] Star Master Jeff: Froggy walks over to the communication station and takes a seat and says, Fly, Bobbert. Fly. Okay, what would you do? Oh, Bobber, just before you take your turn, I mean, Robert, just before you take your turn, the enemy patrol boat six takes its turn and attempts to pursue you and get closer. They are trying to get in close and shoot you with whatever weaponry they may have. So roll your dex pilot for me. They got an 18 with their speed. I rolled a 10. And you guys have a five speed. They beat you quite a bit. And they close in by one hex, putting them only two hexes away. One more gaining of ground and they will be able to fire upon you. But Haley notes quietly in her head and with glee, she will be able to fire upon them as well. Haley, it is your turn. And I briefly want to tell you, that it does not go unnoticed to you that Froggy has been hanging out in his den and not coming out, not only because he's sad about Vera, but because of his unhallowed status when you were still on Siblin. You were unsure if he was ever going to fully recover. And you look at him a bit suspiciously here. Is he still unhallowed? Is it just time and distance from the fork that cured him? Why is he standing so heroically? And why does he have his top two buttons of his jumpsuit undone, exposing his scraggly chest hair?
[00:13:24] Haleyy: Oh, you're right. That is strange.
[00:13:26] Star Master Jeff: Many questions yet to be answered.
[00:13:28] Haleyy: Froggy, so seems like you're really branching out here.
[00:13:33] Star Master Jeff: That's Captain Froggy.
[00:13:34] Haleyy: Haven't seen you so brave before. Glad to have you with us.
[00:13:38] Star Master Jeff: Well, a captain is always brave, Hayley. You should know that.
[00:13:41] Haleyy: A what?
[00:13:42] Star Master Jeff: A captain.
[00:13:43] Haleyy: Yes. Yes. A captain is always brave. Captain Thorn is very brave. Our captain, Captain Thorn.
[00:13:51] Star Master Jeff: Yes. And as second in command, when the captains are on the bridge, I am captain.
[00:13:56] Haleyy: That's not quite how it works. But you know what? We all have dreams. Where did this?
[00:14:04] Star Master Jeff: You notice he's not even wearing his own jumpsuit. It's one of Felix's.
[00:14:08] Haleyy: Oh, my God. He's really just stealing from all of us. So Froggy, where is this coming from?
[00:14:13] Star Master Jeff: I was sitting very sad. And then I found this book in Thorne's room called How to Be a Leader. And it really inspired me.
[00:14:24] Haleyy: What part of it inspired you?
[00:14:26] Star Master Jeff: The part that taught me how to be a leader. And that's why I'm here effortlessly commanding the ship now.
[00:14:31] Robert: Bud, you realize that here is literally sitting in my lap.
[00:14:38] Star Master Jeff: he's at the communication station whatever you say big boy so froggy the last time i saw you you were basically a zombie and all it took to fix you was a book i was he seems confused um oh no i broke him again he begins to like trace his finger around the communication station and like around where vos used to sit and he's just i uh but you like the book right the book was good He gets up and he slinks off of the bridge.
[00:15:09] Haleyy: God damn it.
[00:15:10] Star Master Jeff: What did you do?
[00:15:11] Haleyy: I broke him. I said the danger word, probably.
[00:15:16] Star Master Jeff: Unhallowed. And Haley has used her turn once again, fucking up Froggy's life.
[00:15:23] Haleyy: I know. Thorn, do you have an audiobook version of this?
[00:15:28] Thorne: Audiobook version? Wait a minute. Froggy, that's not a self-help book. That was fiction. It's about a space hero.
[00:15:38] Robert: Engineering. What's the status of the engines? Can I punch it again? Froggy has left the roost.
[00:15:47] Felix: I don't think you're going to get anything extra, Robert. I'm having a hard time keeping things together down here. Just don't push her too hard. I'm on my way.
[00:15:57] Robert: At this point, I'm going to disobey the captain. I'm going to go Felix Speed, which is I punch the motors until Felix starts screaming at me.
[00:16:06] Star Master Jeff: Felix Speed. So not only is he in charge of doors, but he's also in charge of speed. Weird that the guy with five decks is in charge of speed. Yeah. He's living a double life. So Froggy did say pedal to the metal, and Bobbert Boss is apparently taking that to heart. So go ahead and roll your dex pilot skill, and it will be opposed by the pilot on the other ship. That'll be a seven for me. Not great. Ooh, you are unable to outrun patrol boat six. They don't gain on you. but you also don't get any further away. Down in the engine room, Felix. You can see Thorne at the end of the hallway. He's not quite here yet, and you have one last turn before he reaches you as small explosions, gouts of flame, steam erupting all over the place. Every gauge in the place is redlining, and you are just pouring sweat, hobbling from spot to spot, trying desperately to keep the goat together.
[00:17:10] Thorne: Felix, keep those engines burning, I say as I'm running down the hall at you.
[00:17:15] Star Master Jeff: So just to give you a couple options, you can try to keep things going as hard as you can right now. But you can also decide, I'm not going to fix things. I'm going to hamstring Robert. it would immediately cut the speed and the enemy ship would close in by one hex, but you would automatically succeed on preventing any more redlining and let everything cool off for a round.
[00:17:40] Felix: Do I feel like it's at that point yet? Do I feel like if I go one more round, everything's going to explode?
[00:17:45] Star Master Jeff: If you try to repair and you fail, you're going to lose a subsystem at this point because you failed last time. I'm glaring at you as I'm coming down the hall.
[00:17:55] Felix: Thorne's sprinting full out. He told me to keep it running. He's the captain. I'm going to run my emergency repairs back. Okay, give me that fixant, baby. DC of eight.
[00:18:05] Star Master Jeff: Oh no, it's a five. Oh no! No! Your engines completely burn out. Awesome. Robert, you lose all control as you start drifting through space. The patrol boat closes in as Haley says awesome and powers up the weapons.
[00:18:28] Robert: Let's fucking go. Felix, please tell me you didn't break the ship again. Please tell me you didn't break it. You broke the ship, Robert.
[00:18:38] Felix: I told you to cool it.
[00:18:39] Haleyy: And as they're all arguing over their petty stuff, they feel the ship let out a massive rumble as Haley shoots.
[00:18:49] Star Master Jeff: And you've been readying to shoot this whole time. So as patrol boat six moves into a spot close enough for you to target, you fire.
[00:18:59] Haleyy: A 12.
[00:18:59] Star Master Jeff: Pew, pew, pew, pew. Oh, sorry, it's a sand thrower. Ka-chunk. The last time you fired this was on the landing pad in Siblin when you fired the sand thrower straight through the window of the cockpit of the Void Cultist ship that was mere meters away from you, blasting the two people inside of it.
[00:19:16] Haleyy: It worked then, it might work now.
[00:19:19] Star Master Jeff: And here, you blast it across space. Little fragments of metal and sharp glass slam directly into Patrol Boat 6. You see all kinds of little pits appear all over the otherwise undamaged hull of Patrol Boat 6. They veer off to the side slightly. Robert, you can sense panic in this new maneuver. They didn't think that you would suddenly turn off your engines and then attack them. They must think that you're tactical geniuses.
[00:19:48] Robert: 4D chess, that's us on the scapegoat. Yeah, yeah, that's... uh, guys, they're getting closer, like a lot closer.
[00:19:58] Star Master Jeff: Thorne, as you take the final steps into the engine room, you hear the sand chucker rocket off a shot. Robert yells over the comms. Felix screams as a gout of fire cascades across the engine room, and you duck, avoiding it. It's about 10 degrees hotter in here than it was in the hallway, which was already hot as hell. The scapegoat is falling apart before your eyes. What would you like to do?
[00:20:24] Thorne: Well, the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to grab the fire extinguisher that we keep in the engine room and just start spraying all the flames. Felix, we got to get these things running again. It looks like Haley can hold those guys off.
[00:20:36] Felix: Yeah, I know, Thorn.
[00:20:37] Thorne: Come on, well, turn the wrench. Here, you want to need a bigger wrench? And I spray the fire extinguisher at the flames that are behind you. Go ahead and roll fix int. Hmm, I got a seven, but I might use my reroll. I'm trying to think. Oh, don't think it. Yeah, great. But I think seven, not good enough. So I'm going to use it. That's worse. So I spray the flames as much as I can, but it's not really helping.
[00:21:03] Star Master Jeff: Alas, a seven does not do it. So you do put out many of the fires, but you don't successfully help curb the problem. Robert, you are helming a ship that cannot be helmed. What would you like to do?
[00:21:18] Robert: I try to see if there's any ability to use the momentum of the ship to just kind of thrust back and forth, a little evasive maneuver action, see if I can at least keep us from taking too much damage.
[00:21:35] Star Master Jeff: Unfortunately, engines are completely down, so the direction you were moving in when they went out is the direction you will keep going in at that velocity as well.
[00:21:44] Robert: So I just steer that wheel and make sounds the whole time.
[00:21:52] Star Master Jeff: Robert, you continue to try to steer the goat as best you can, but the engines are completely out, which is unfortunate because Patrol Boat 6 powers up their weapons and take a shot at you.
[00:22:05] Robert: Guys, we're dead in the water here. I can't take any evasive maneuvers. Guys?
[00:22:10] Thorne: What's the rudder broken to? Just turn the wheel.
[00:22:13] Thorne: Ooh, a 21 to hit. Robert, fire the ECMs.
[00:22:16] Robert: Wait, you mean the big red button? You want me to hit the big red button? Push it. Oh, God damn. Oh, I didn't even know what this did. Okay, I'm going to hit it. Oh, my God.
[00:22:27] Star Master Jeff: Okay, you slam your hand down on the big red button, activating the burst ECM generator, which negates one successful hit against the scapegoat. You know that it's only going to work once in this engagement. And many ships do carry this. It's like a free shield that compensates for the damage that's being taken. But once it happens and the frequencies have been logged, all enemy ships will quickly compensate to get past it. The patrol boat continues to maneuver, its engines still working, unlike yours. Rub it in. It puts itself into a lazy position and starts targeting your weapons. Felix, Thorn has just come in, grabbed the fire extinguisher, and doused you in sticky foam. What would you like to do?
[00:23:14] Thorne: thorn this is not helpful god no over here this one goes there that one goes there got it come over here help me with this i see this tool here yeah yeah yeah so i was reading through the manual there you see that one there if you bypass it into the that one yeah yeah like that you should be able to okay try it so yeah thorn will roll an aid roll and then felix will get a bonus to his roll nice i got a three so yeah no bypass it right there uh-huh wait wait no maybe this maybe i was looking at a different diagram
[00:23:50] Star Master Jeff: So you grab onto Felix's hair and try to ratatouille this shit, but really you're just yanking on your friend's scalp. Felix, you're very distracted by this. What would you like to do?
[00:24:00] Felix: I'm still going to try to fix it. I'm ignoring what Thorne says because I read the same manual and he obviously had it upside down and maybe backwards. So I'm doing...
[00:24:09] Star Master Jeff: I mean, this is the scapegoat. You probably wrote the manual and he's trying to quote it to you, Felix Champlin. So I roll an 11. Okay, you perform emergency repairs and roll an 11. On a DC of 8, you succeed. The engines sputter back to life. Robert, as you fruitlessly spin the flight wheel, all of a sudden, the engines, which you had on full throttle, kick back on, pressing you to the seat. Haley, you almost get flung out of the weapons chair, and... All of your spinning of the wheel takes immediate effect as you skid Tokyo Drift style in the middle of space and begin to move once again away from Patrol Boat 6.
[00:24:50] Robert: Felix, I thought you'd tell me when this was happening. Oh, God. Okay. Guys, I think we got to get out of here. I don't want to take a whole lot more damage. They're already shooting at us.
[00:25:02] Thorne: Yeah, great plan, Robert. Why don't you go ahead and get on that?
[00:25:05] Star Master Jeff: I'm trying. Evasive maneuvers roll your pilot decks. You Tokyo drift spin around the flames from your engine bathing patrol boat six in a gout of flame as you attempt to rocket away after they targeted your weapon systems.
[00:25:26] Robert: And as I pull around to try to give Hailey a straight on view and the best shot possible, bank it around the turn, I roll an eight.
[00:25:36] Star Master Jeff: Unfortunately, an eight is not high enough. The DC is nine. So you skid around, you bank, you duck, you dodge, but they stay on your tail. This pilot, although not as good as you, is apparently worth his salt. Haley, this is good news for you because these dudes are still within sight. Your fingers itch.
[00:25:57] Haleyy: I can't believe I said dude earlier. I'm not sure if Haley would actually say dude, but.
[00:26:03] Star Master Jeff: I think Haley's the person that would say dude. What would you like to do, dude?
[00:26:09] Haleyy: Haley wants to take another shot with the sand thrower. Not necessarily with any kind of targeting in mind. More just get as much damage done to them as possible. This is a 17 hit.
[00:26:25] Star Master Jeff: Does a 17 hit. Yes, it does.
[00:26:27] Haleyy: For eight damage.
[00:26:29] Star Master Jeff: Oh, max damage. Finally. Oh, hell yeah. That is max damage. The sand chucker chucks sand like you've never seen before. it rips away at the hull plating, leaving a whole section exposed, and you see a single man fly out into the cold vastness of space as Atmo hurriedly vents from that section of the ship.
[00:26:54] Haleyy: Still got it.
[00:26:56] Star Master Jeff: What? You missed every shot the last time you...
[00:27:01] Haleyy: she's got to be fair she's hit the last three shots she's made with this gun that is true that is true yeah i'm like a completely different person now yeah you're hailey with one y and two y's sort of you're hailey with three y's got all the y's hailey with three y's but still just one
[00:27:19] Star Master Jeff: but still just one and also still just two. It's complicated. And if you're just joining us here on Causeway 3 Part 2, maybe go back and listen to Haley's Focus episodes so things make sense. Down in the engine room, Thorne has just covered Felix in a bunch of sticky, sticky stuff. Hey, wait a minute.
[00:27:38] Thorne: And Felix got very angry at him. I didn't just cover him in sticky foam. I also micromanaged him.
[00:27:48] Star Master Jeff: The perfect, perfect captain. Okay, what would you like to do, Thorn?
[00:27:52] Thorne: All right, now that Felix seems to have the situation more under control here, I think I'm going to leave this with him and get back to the bridge.
[00:28:03] UNKNOWN: Okay.
[00:28:03] Thorne: come down here yeah it's his cardio for me i'm just gonna run between departments the whole spin in a circle spraying a fire hydrant like wally you you yeah you point out a wrong connection to me and then you run away hey you may it may have been the wrong connection but after i came down here you got it fixed didn't you it's called being a manager he saw that there was a crisis he came in and yelled at everyone and now he's going back up to the bridge to claim credit no i'm gonna go yell at people on the bridge next
[00:28:35] Robert: The most accurate version of a PO I've ever seen.
[00:28:40] Star Master Jeff: The ship is just starting to redline again. Things are starting to hiss and the captain has run away just in time to not have to help with any of it. So Felix, you move to take your action. But before we do that, we're going to zoom back out to patrol boat six. They just got some of their hull plating ripped off. Someone in there, one of their crew member just got sucked out into the vacuum of space. They turn, and it looks like they're going to start fleeing. But Robert, you've seen this type of maneuver before. In fact, they are not turning to flee. They are going all in. That pilot just lost his cool. They are pissed. Their weapons fire up, and they fire. They are no longer trying to fly cautiously. They are no longer trying to be safe and play it by the book. They are full on exposing their ship and shooting with everything they've got. The first of two weapons fires off. 24 hits. Brutal. absolutely crushing yeah i'm rolling very well and i apologize for everything that's about to happen oh i'm gonna roll damage now oh only two points of damage your armor actually protects you from that so it was very dramatic for about five seconds uh their sand chucker lightly caresses the hull of the scapegoat pitting it and giving it all kinds of like craters all over it but not doing any real structural damage And then they go to fire again. Eleven is going to miss you. A laser beam goes wide, almost striking the Causeway 3 station itself, and then going off and getting lost in the dim red light of the local star. Felix, you feel the scapegoat get slammed. You're not sure exactly how much damage you've sustained, but the engine is starting to redline once again as Robert begins to push it to the limit. The guy doesn't know when to quit. Keep it together, baby.
[00:30:39] Felix: Keep it together. I'm going to try to help her keep it together. I got a nine.
[00:30:44] Star Master Jeff: She started in the red line, but you can keep it together. Captain. That's my Scottish accent. And you go through and you do. Hey, you know, I don't claim to be. And you do some wrench work and some more steam comes out and you take it in the face. He's like, ah, you just can't do it. But no, that's worse than mine. And right. We can all agree with that, right? Well, it's subjective. Ouch. That's it. You know, the scapegoat takes 10 points of damage. No, Okay, just kidding. You are able to keep everything together in the engine room and things actually start to calm down quite a bit. Robert, you do some evasive maneuvers and you realize that they are actually listing pretty heavily and what you took as an aggressive action and a pilot that has lost his cool, you're now starting to think is actually almost a total loss of control on their side as they turn 180 and expose their backside to you. Line them up for you, Haley. Woo!
[00:31:45] Thorne: The light on the communication panel begins to blink.
[00:31:49] Haleyy: Why?
[00:31:49] Thorne: I mean, they probably want mercy or something, but I'm in the hallways still. I'm piloting the ship. Yeah, nobody's there to see it.
[00:31:56] Haleyy: Well, my hands are on, I'm ready to... Seed blast them. So I'm going to shoot? Yeah.
[00:32:01] Star Master Jeff: Yeah. Nobody sees the light blink, except maybe Robert. Every few episodes, I give the chance to Stephanie to prove... that Haley is not a serial killer murderer.
[00:32:16] Haleyy: She has one skill.
[00:32:16] Star Master Jeff: And she consistently proves that Haley will kill even when mercy would be easier.
[00:32:23] Haleyy: Dude, these people want to kill us. We know where we are going. And we know that we do not want them following.
[00:32:29] Star Master Jeff: But if you don't answer that comms, I can't humanize the enemy to a ridiculous degree. Do they need to be humanized? Also, who could even answer it?
[00:32:39] Haleyy: Yeah, that's right.
[00:32:40] Star Master Jeff: Anyone can press the button.
[00:32:41] Haleyy: Boom, just a 26 hit. Jesus Christ, Alfred.
[00:32:46] Star Master Jeff: You threw a lot of sand at them very quickly. The comms light immediately blinks out as you slam all sorts of sand glass and metal, a shotgun blast across space. It actually takes several seconds to reach them. And when it does, it rips them from bow to stern. Panels fly off. Atmo vents out. Their boat turns lazily to the side, flipping on every axis you can in space.
[00:33:15] Haleyy: Guys, I think they're down.
[00:33:17] Robert: Yeah, did you see that light? I think that's the new high score button.
[00:33:22] Haleyy: Yeah, it is.
[00:33:23] Star Master Jeff: Nice shooting, Hayley. A bunch of electrical wires are loose around Patrol Boat 6, and you see arcing electricity going every which way. And then, one by one, like watching the Titanic sink, you see the lights blink out of Patrol Boat 6 as the ship goes dark.
[00:33:42] Felix: Great job, crew.
[00:33:43] Thorne: Knew we could do it. Nicely done.
[00:33:45] Robert: Yeah, good job, y'all.
[00:33:47] Thorne: Good job, guys. Let's try to keep everything together and get a spike drill going as soon as we can. I don't want to be left at the scene.
[00:33:52] Robert: I was going to say, I think we have the coordinates. Yep, buddy. Have you charted a path?
[00:33:59] Star Master Jeff: Hey, buddy. Oh, I charted that path quite a while ago, buddy. But we just got to spin up this spike drive. Spin her up, buddy. Spin up the spike drive, buddy. The comms crackle to life, and Iso says, Hey, y'all. Frog is down here, and you said Haley was mean to him? He wants a whole bunch of pills.
[00:34:21] Haleyy: We were in the middle of a very stressful situation.
[00:34:25] Thorne: I'll deal with it. Don't give him any pills.
[00:34:27] Star Master Jeff: I'm on my way. Okay, well, Haley, he just heard your voice, and he said he doesn't want to speak to you. He crossed his arms, and he stamped out of the room.
[00:34:36] Haleyy: Well, tell him that Thorn is coming to take care of it.
[00:34:39] Star Master Jeff: He's gone, Hayley. He's gone.
[00:34:41] Thorne: I'll find him.
[00:34:42] Haleyy: That's fine.
[00:34:43] Thorne: I am going to try and find him.
[00:34:44] Star Master Jeff: You are leaving the engine room and you were sprinting as fast as you can up to the captain's chair to take control of the ship once again. But now you are waylaid back down towards the cargo bay and you intercept Froggy just as he's about to bend down and start crawling into his stinky, stinky den. Hey, Reg, where are you going? Oh, Captain, you know, he kind of he rubs the back of his head. He looks bashful and he says, yeah, it was a mistake coming back out here for now.
[00:35:17] Thorne: What do you mean? We love you. You're great. Come on. Don't go back in your little smelly hole. Stay out here. Let's have a celebratory OJ. We just blew those guys up. That was great.
[00:35:27] Star Master Jeff: I drank all the orange juice already. Damn it, Reggie. Oh, my God. And he crawls into his den.
[00:35:33] Thorne: No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. All right, Froggy, listen. The stuff that happened back there, it was messed up, okay? And you're right to feel weird about it. But we can talk. We're about to drill. We're going to have plenty of time. Everybody gets really cranky with you because they're on edge all the time. It's not your fault. except when it is. But we'll try to be nicer. Maybe we'll talk about what happened, you know? We're going to have a lot of time. So try not to take everything so personally, and I'll tell the others to try not to be so mean to you. You swear? Yes, I swear I will tell them to do that. I can't swear that they will.
[00:36:11] Star Master Jeff: You know what? He crawls back out of his den and he's holding Percy. I'm a leader. And I know I'm a leader. Okay, yeah. And I'm going to stand tall and I'm going to puff out my chest and I'm going to assert myself.
[00:36:23] Thorne: Great. Yeah, no, that sounds good. But don't do it in like a nagging way, you know? He clicks on the comms.
[00:36:30] Star Master Jeff: Why did you do that? Haley, Robert, Felix, do you read me? Answer, damn it.
[00:36:36] Felix: I'm busy right now, Frogs. We read you. Hey, Froggy.
[00:36:40] Thorne: Reel it in, buddy. That's too much. Too much.
[00:36:43] Star Master Jeff: I am a man!
[00:36:46] Robert: Such a big boy. We're so proud of you.
[00:36:49] Star Master Jeff: And I drank all of the orange juice, and you're going to have to get used to it, because I am the person that will drink the orange juice on this ship from now on, and you will respect that.
[00:36:58] Haleyy: No. No, Froggy. I will not.
[00:37:02] Star Master Jeff: He turns off the comms. Captain, I tried. They're just all, they're just too mean to me. And he crawls back into his den. Rocky, that was good. You did great, buddy. I'll talk to them.
[00:37:11] Thorne: And you can have orange juice.
[00:37:12] Star Master Jeff: I tried. I was alone for so many years on Wafisa.
[00:37:16] Thorne: I know. And you look how great you're doing now. You're on a spaceship. Probably have other things going for you.
[00:37:22] Star Master Jeff: Listen, I have skills. And you know what? Okay, I'll tell you what, Captain. I'm going to assert myself. I don't want to live in this den anymore. I want to live in the luxury cabin that's on that extra ship that you brought on. Any points to the Life is Unfair shuttle that you stole on Spigot?
[00:37:41] Thorne: Is an ISO staying in there, Frog? There's two of them. All right. Well, are you going to make it gross and smelly?
[00:37:47] Star Master Jeff: The only reason I'm gross and smelly is because you won't let me use the showers. You can use the showers. Who said that? Who said you can't use the showers? Was it Robert? It was not Robert. Who said it then? They told me they would hurt me if I told you. No, it was Robert. It was Robert. Okay.
[00:38:05] Haleyy: And he couldn't shower.
[00:38:07] Thorne: I will talk to the others and tell them to be less mean. Please bathe. Please, Froggy.
[00:38:13] Star Master Jeff: I want nothing more, Captain, than to bathe.
[00:38:16] Thorne: Okay. It sounds like we're getting to be on the same page here. Because I need you. You're a member of this crew as much as everybody else. As much as everybody else? You're not living to this feeling.
[00:38:30] Star Master Jeff: Froggy cuts in. He says, if not more so.
[00:38:32] Thorne: Okay, I didn't say that. But what it means is that I need you to be there when I need you. And you sometimes have to take lumps from the others. Do you know how much crap everybody on this ship takes from Felix? We don't go cry in a hole, okay? You think Iso's going to put up with it if Robert tells her she's not allowed to shower? No. You're right. And I read that leadership book. I read it. I know you did.
[00:38:56] Star Master Jeff: Cover to cover.
[00:38:56] Thorne: It was fiction. But yeah, keep going.
[00:38:59] Star Master Jeff: I don't know what that means, that word. But I took it to heart and believed that it was a real thing that happened. And it's real advice. So I'm going to follow it. And you're right. I will shower. And if anyone tries to stop me, I'm going to shower anyway. That's a great first step. And when Robert tries to twist my nipple again, I'm going to tell him no. Good. And I'm going to talk to him. No, I'm going to take a shower. Yeah, you should right now. Like, please. You look behind you because you heard someone coming in and ISO's there. And she says, y'all need HR on this shit. Is that an offer, ISO? Because, yeah, maybe we do. She throws her hands up. Hey, it ain't gonna be me. But if Robert's going around twisting nips, she just walks out.
[00:39:45] Thorne: I turn on the comms, the ship-wide comms. If I find out that anyone on this ship is twisting anyone else's nipples without consent, we're gonna have a problem, okay? I think we're going to have to have some serious conversations once we get into the spike drill.
[00:39:59] Felix: Cap, what about our own nips?
[00:40:02] Thorne: Get off the damn comms. Can I turn it off again? All right, Froggy, does that sound good? We're going to do this. Get in the shower, bud.
[00:40:09] Star Master Jeff: And I want to move into one of the spare offices. I want it as a bedroom. I don't want to be in something that people call a den anymore. I'm a human, damn it.
[00:40:17] Thorne: You're right. I agree. You should have a real room. Maybe not the nice luxury room, but a real room. We'll talk. Fine. And he sticks out his hand. I begrudgingly shake it, knowing full well the residue that will remain afterwards.
[00:40:33] Star Master Jeff: Yes, but now that he can shower, maybe that will stop. We can only hope. So as that conversation comes to a close and Froggy accompanies you up to the crew lounge, which is up near the bridge and everyone finishes up their tasks. And Robert finally spike drives you away along the Promethean spike path. Froggy goes to the fridge, opens it up. and takes out the water jug. Now, you all just drank the ship's water. No one cares about Froggy's disgusting water jug that's in the fridge. He takes out six cups, and out of the jug, everyone gets a half glass of orange juice, because he's been hoarding it the whole time. What a hoarder. He holds up the glass and he says, My crew, we're embarking on a dangerous mission to Prithlin Station. Methion Station. And I don't know why we're going there, but I'm damn sure we won't get scurvy while we do it.
[00:41:34] Robert: Well said, Reg.
[00:41:36] Star Master Jeff: And he holds up the orange juice and he waits for everyone to clink against it. Oh, I do. I clink. Hayley, Robert, get in here.
[00:41:44] Haleyy: I also clink.
[00:41:46] Robert: Yeah, begrudgingly. Cheers. Scapegoats forever.
[00:41:51] Star Master Jeff: Scapegoats forever. And everyone sits back in their seats, enjoys the very old orange juice, which still tastes pretty good, as the scapegoat starts to make the final journey on a long trip to Prometheon Station. Everyone has their reasons for being here beyond Dr. Voss simply putting them on a roster and giving them a ship. You all muse on this silently as you nurse your orange juice. And then, ISO clicks on the radio.